SUBPARs 100th Post!
There's only one submarine story
Submarining is hard. Submarining is a lot harder without humor.
The Subpar Group began as a series of satirical news articles, filled with thinly veiled frustrations, written by an EOOW who was more sardonic than procedurally compliant. These articles were a way to blow off steam against an impersonal system of initial conditions and precautions and inject some much needed humanity into an 8-hour watch rotation on a very long underway. That's still our goal and we are happy to see our writing has resonated with so many of you.
In honor of our 100th post we’ve decided to revisit some of our favorite SUBPAR memories.
Enjoy.
What’s your favorite SUBPAR memory? Let us know in the comment section below.
SUBPAR Co-Creator:
Favorite Post : Dear Subpar Group - Should I Single?
Favorite Quote: “Morrison, who goes by the nickname Cold Water Interlock because he thinks he cannot be defeated, must reconcile his hot shot personality with his desire to provide continuity of electrical power and propulsion to a billion-dollar US submarine.” - Power Turning: Coming to a Theatre Near You
SUBPAR Co-Creator:
Favorite Post: A Junior Officer Approach to Junior Officer Retention
Favorite Quote: "Furthemore," LT Devers said in her closing statement, "while murder is generally frowned upon in conventional society, it is not specifically contrary to any navy nuclear publication.” - LT Acquitted on Murder Charges in Order to Fill Guam ENG Billet
SUBPAR Full-Time Contributor:
Favorite Post: 50 Star Wars References to Use Everyday on a Submarine
Favorite Quote: “After a lengthy debate covering the EDO’s failure to circle-x the procedure due to the development of written language and the SEO’s lack of watchstander back-up due to cultural norms and societal expectations associated with classism that are deeply rooted within the Navy’s hierarchical rank structure, the command finally recognized that the valve status board would surely have been updated if Homo Sapiens had not wiped out the Neanderthals during the last Ice Age.” - Root Cause Analysis Traces Valve Out of Position Back to Evolution of Humankind
SUBPAR Part-Time Contributor and formerly very sad submarine officer who is now significantly happier since he is out of the navy:
Favorite Post: Submarine CO signs controversial revisions opponents dubbed ‘Don’t Say Resign’
Favorite Quote: “These theories, known collectively as QA-anon, reveal the inner workings of an “emergency deep state” which hand-picks CO’s only with select qualities.” - Embattled CO claims results of Command Climate survey are rigged!!!
SUBPAR Part-Time Contributor and Future DH:
Favorite Post: Duty Officer becomes seventh 1120 with 3,000 tags, 500 midnight tours
Favorite Quote: “PDOOW: If there are no questions, this concludes –
PDMC: I have a question. Has anybody on this watch team ever destroyed a planet before?
The WATCHSTANDERS all shake their heads.
PDMC: OK, that’s something to think about. We are not experienced with this procedure, so there is a higher risk involved. That means it is more important than ever that we use proper Death Star IC, with formal orders and repeat-backs. Planet Destroyer, are you ready to operate the PLANET DESTROYING switch?
PLANET DESTROYER: I am ready, PDMC.” - “Star Wars: Episode IV - A New Hope” Original Script Released
SUBPAR Part-Time Contributor/Consultant and NNPTC Honor Graduate:
Favorite Post: Detailer’s HATE Him! JO Has One Weird Trick to Avoid Shift ENG Billet
Favorite Quote: “In the latest issue of their Drumbeat newsletter, PERS42 announced that they will begin offering a special parking spot at the NEX to submarine junior officers who agree to sign a department head contract.” - PERS42 Offers Reserved NEX Parking Spot to Those Signing DH Contract
SUBPAR Consultant, former ENG and Command Qualified:
Favorite Post: Gravity Drain Funnel Breaks Record for Most Consecutive Weeks on Zone Inspection Hit List
Favorite Quote: “O/S is inbound to Yokosuka, Japan for a scheduled port call in the C7F AOR. The CM was creating audit and surveillance paperwork and as a result you have entered a merchant transit lane. The CDO is passed out on his desk and does not answer your calls for him to come to the bridge. On the VMS repeater, O/S is in the middle of several alarming PADs. Select the appropriate course of action from the list below.
Turn to PORT
Turn to STBD
Change SPD
Continue to work on your own audit and surveillance binder”
As always, feel free to share SUBPAR in whatever capacity is most consistent with your level of qualifications.
Though, ADM Rickover would want you to share this post regardless if you’re a brand new ensign, retired admiral, or somewhere in between.
“The devil is in the details, but so is SUBPAR,” ADM Rickover.
Have a post you want to share with The Subpar Group? Email us at thesubpargroup@gmail.com