In honor of May The Fourth, The Subpar Group has put together a list to help you be the funniest person on the submarine tomorrow. Let us know in the comment section below which of these quotes you are able to use.
Check back in with us tomorrow for more never before seen Star Wars related content.
“Well of course I know him. He’s me!” – After a shipyard worker asks if you know the duty officer while you’re wearing the SDO badge
“Now that is a name I have not heard in a long time.” – When a forward officer stands their first EOOW proficiency in months
“Your eyes can deceive you. Do not trust them.” – A senior RO to a junior EOOW who may or may not have just witnessed a brief OPLIM violation
Photo by Brian McGowan on Unsplash “I know what I have to do but I don't know if I have the strength to do it.” – The chubby sailor who has to start dieting before PFA weigh ins finding out the cooks just made hamsters
“Strike me down and I will become more powerful than you can ever imagine.” – When you’re in a critique and the CO asks why you shouldn’t be disqualified
“Not just the men, but the women and children too!” – LELT telling you to memorize ALL the radiation exposure limits
“You underestimate my power.” – The Reactor Operator with their hand on the shim switch
“That’s no moon!” – Coming to PD 1 KYD from a trawler
Photo by Neven Krcmarek on Unsplash “I find your lack of faith disturbing.” – When MMN3 asks chief why everyone needs to clean before ORSE
“Loss of communications can mean only one thing…” – Doc is standing dive
“Join me and together we can rule the galaxy.” – When the one JO who signed a contract tries to convince other JOs to sign a contract too
“Now this is pod racing!” – The throttleman getting a little too eager during an emergency deep
“If you only knew the power of the dark side.” – When a newly minted chief doesn’t hang out with the first class petty officers anymore
“You have failed me for the last time.” – Your CO hearing that you failed PNEO for the second time
"You know, sometimes I amaze even myself.” – Upon passing your senior-in-rate board
“Cover me Porkins!” – Asking the JO who singled you to forge your signature after you forgot to sign out of the engineering logs
“I don’t like sand.” – Chief explaining to the division why they have to stay late and clean
“Mom, you said the biggest problem in this universe is nobody helps each other.” – Emailing your mom to tell her that you took pull-in duty after your eight month deployment
“This is the weapon of a Jedi Knight. Not as clumsy or random as a blaster; an elegant weapon for a more civilized age.” – WEPS explaining the new ADCAPs
“I killed them. I killed them all!” – When the off-going OOD is the last to get relieved and asks you if there are any wings left
“You will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy.” – When you’re giving a tour to your parents and get to Aft Crew’s Berthing
“It’s the ship that made the Kessel Run in less than 12 parsecs.” – Your response to the civilian who asks how fast a Seawolf class submarine is
“This is the way.” – Your response to the ORSE SBM who asks if you have a TSO for that procedural deviation
“You probably didn't recognize me because of the red [hat].” – When you’re a drill monitor and have to put someone down for taking off their EAB
Photo by Nice M Nshuti on Unsplash “I thought they smelled bad on the outside.” – An A-ganger opening the drain strainer
“Great, kid! Don’t get cocky.” – When a NUB brags to you about their getting their first checkout
“That boy is our last hope.” “No. There is another” – After a 3rd JO in a row has a BAC over .08 at the startup brief in Yokosuka, but another JO stumbles down the FWD Escape Trunk
“Good, good. Let the hate flow through you.” – EDMC muttering under his breath at the critique
“These are not the [valves] you are looking for.” – MMN3 trying to distract you from the small valve maintenance they didn’t do
“The ability to speak does not make you intelligent.” – When the XO talks for 40 minutes to explain one PowerPoint slide
“Everything you’ve heard about me is true.” – The new XO who knows everyone hates them already
“I have the high ground!” – When someone yells ‘up ladder’ when you’re already
coming down
“Sometimes we must let go of our pride and do what is requested of us.” – The Senior Watch Officer telling the most senior JO to go stand EOOW
“You were the chosen one.” – Reacting to the smart JO failing PNEO
“You are on this council, but we do not grant you the rank of master.” – The Captain after you pass your submerged OOD board but not your fish board
“I am altering the deal, pray I don't alter it any further.” – The detailer telling you they had to switch your orders from a Hawaii boat to a Norfolk boat instead
“I slaughtered them like animals. I hate them!” – The NR monitor after a surprise inspection
“The sacred texts!” – After getting your hands on the ORSE ‘study guide’
“This is where the fun begins.” – When you show the newly qualified JO their name on the inport watchbill
“It’s an older code sir, but it checks out.” – When you tell ENG that the RPPMS instruction that hasn’t been updated since 1982 is still the latest revision
“We will watch your career with great interest.” – COB to the second-chance sailor checking into a new boat for a fresh start
“Everything is proceeding as I have foreseen it.” – Greybeard after taking the trainer to run
“You have hate. You have anger. But you don’t use them.” – Your answer to a NUB asking you how you stayed awake for 28 hours before ORSE
Photo by Daniel K Cheung on Unsplash “It’s a trap!” – When Chief asks what your plans are for the weekend
“I see through the lies of the Jedi.” – After you hear the CNO say warfighting is the top priority
“Difficult to see. Always in motion is the future.” – COB/XO telling you they need to extend you for an extra six months for ORSE
“For the better, right?... For the better, RIGHT?!” – When the captain announces the return to homeport date has shifted
“We were on the verge of greatness. We were this close!” – When you just had to go to the head 23 hours into your 24 hour rack challenge
“I didn’t know there was so much green in the whole galaxy.” – MMNC finding verdigris during a spot check
“I am your father.” – Introducing yourself to your sea pup
Photo by Matt Hudson on Unsplash