SUBPAR SkillBridge - STILL Accepting Applications
Seeking widest possible distribution
The Subpar Group has run into a problem: our lives are too good. We landed some great shore tours (shoutout our COs) and with every three hour lunch, two hour gym break, and 1300 weekday baseball game we moved further and further away from the submarine. We can’t even remember the primary specs or when first wake up is.
We’ve gotten a little soft and it’s made us less funny. We’ve tried to simulate the submarine experience by calling each other at 0100 to pass irrelevant information and making barely literate PowerPoint slides on three hours of sleep, but it’s not really the same unless you can do these things at 16% oxygen and with an inboard-blown sans tank on burger day.
So we’re excited to announce that for the SECOND time ever we are accepting applications for our own SkillBridge program. We are looking for a Junior Officer still on their JO tour to come intern at The Subpar Group to help us stay in touch with the fleet.
Note: SUBPAR SkillBridge does not adhere to the most recent (or any) DOD memo.
Responsibilities:
Write at least one SUBPAR article per month
Propose at least three SUBPAR article ideas per month
Participate in our brainstorming sessions and writers room
Share The Subpar Group with your wardroom and friends from the pipeline
Required Qualifications:
Qualified in submarines (NUBs need not apply)
Below Average Audit and Surveillance Program
Had at least one bad breakup/engagement cancellation/divorce over your tour
CO incorrectly thinks you might consider signing a DH contract when you go to shore tour
Spent at least two nights at the Sanctuary, if west coast officer
Spent no less than 30 days in 3-section EDO (waiver available in certain circumstances)
Preferred Qualifications:
Force extended for at least 90 days
Spouse left you while on deployment for one of your friends
Significantly Below Average Audit and Surveillance Program
The phrase “this requires further resolution” has been applied to every program that you own
Your XO often tells you, “Hey, I’m a little busy right now, why don’t you come back at 1930 and we can sit down and go over this”
Red-detailed
Manager of 2+ pointless collaterals that become “very important” at random, impossible to predict times
>300 days underway
Multiple back-to-back CTE failures
Application:
If interested, please email us the following information at thesubpargroup@gmail.com
Your shore tour, if applicable
One SUBPAR article ready for publication
JO Letter of Recommendation
Why you would be a good fit for The Subpar Group.
Note: Prototype volunteers, CHOPs, and Direct to DHs need not apply.
Benefits: The Subpar Group offers an extremely unique compensation package as detailed below:
You can make a difference in submariners’ lives. Submarining is hard. Submarining is harder without humor.
Know someone who would be perfect for this job? Please share!
Other Note: Okay fine. Prototype volunteers, CHOPs, and Direct to DHs can still apply.