SUBPAR EXCLUSIVE: An Interview With CHOP
Hear why your parts are delayed in CHOPs own words
From serving burned chicken to barely passing SMI, CHOPs are an integral part of the submarine experience. Yet most submariners don’t know too much about them - we’ve barely even mentioned them on SUBPAR! To shed some light on our unique and valuable shipmate we pulled the SUBPAR CHOP out of AUX3 (counting candles) and sat down for an interview.
Questions:
Q: CHOP, what is it like being the most respected member of the wardroom?
A: Back at the United States CHOP Academy (USCA), we are reminded that we’re the only non-nuke officer because we are special and that we ARE department heads! The key is to not let the respect go to your head. I think that’s why the crew keeps calling me a NUB and laughing at me – gotta stay grounded!
Q: Although you’re not nuclear trained, do you still take CTEs?
A: CTEs, or ‘Chop Tries Engineering’ as I like to say, are a good way to show the nukes that you care about them too. I took every CTE and averaged a .08/4.0 on them. The grade isn’t important. What is important is that you took vital time away from managing your own department to show the nukes that you understand and respect them. I’ve even been selected as a junior monitor twice!
Q: Would you say you are of more importance, less importance, or of equal importance to the other DHs?
A: It's complicated. Sure, the other DHs are 1120s, make approximately $50,000 more than me, and run larger departments. But good luck getting underway without any coffee. So I’d say about equal, even though I don’t have a NEX parking spot.
Q: On our boat the officers usually just brought their own coffee because they didn’t trust the CHOP.
A: Is there a question buried in that statement?
Q: When is my part getting delivered? I ordered it three months ago.
A: The only company that made that part went out of business in 1996 and the remaining stock in the supply system are designated spares for carriers. Sorry :(
Q: Is it important the CHOP qualifies dive?
A: Qualifications are super important! Being able to stand the same watch as my 16-year A-gang Senior Chief on his 5th boat tour really embodies the “Anything you can do, I can do better” mindset. I’m basically an honorary member of the ole’ goat locker, I think.
Q: Is it important that the CHOP qualifies scope?
A: What’s a scope?
Q: Is it true that the CHOP is the COs right hand man?
A: Really depends if your CO is a righty or lefty.
Q: When are we getting hardpack again?
A: Please place any questions or suggestions in the “Chop Suggestion Box.”
Q: Isn’t the CHOP suggestion box located right above the TDU?
A: Please place any questions or suggestions in the “Chop Suggestion Box.”
Q: Can we get more chicken wheels and nuggies?
A: That’s a weird way to pronounce boiled halibut.
Q: What do you do with all the free time you have being off the in-port watchbill?
A: I have a couple unique hobbies compared to other submariners: I exercise, sleep, cook healthy meals, read, interact with family and friends, etc.
Q: Why do officers have to pay for all 3 meals everyday underway? What if I skip a meal?
A:I need the extra money to cover the costs of inspecting your FEGGS to make sure they are free of simple green.
Q: Anything else you would like to add at this time ENS [REDACTED]?
A: Please, call me CHOP.
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