Dear Subpar Group - I need help packing for my MIDN cruise
Today’s article is brought to you by the same intern who wrote July 1, 2024 and Dear Subpar Group - How Should I Spend My Bonus.
Dear Subpar Group,
I’m getting ready for my submarine midshipman cruise and I’m unsure what to pack. I heard a rumor that you recently hired a woman on your staff as part of your DEI initiative and would love to ask for her opinion. I tried asking one of my male classmates but he just said, “I don’t know how all that works.” Is there anything specific I should bring?
Eagerly on Amazon, MIDN 1/C First-timer
Dear MIDN 1/C First-timer,
It’s true! I am SUBPARs most recent diversity hire and I am a woman. However, I’m a diversity hire because I was on an SSBN not because I’m a woman. Boomer JOs are notoriously underrepresented in the submarine comedy business.
BT
That’s an excellent question! While most of the standard sea bag is appropriate for everyone, there are a few things to keep in mind for women specifically - I luckily had a fellow female officer to answer my questions and I’m thrilled to pass the torch!
As a general rule, take a little extra, if you have room. Even if you don’t end up needing that extra stick of deodorant, someone else might, and you’ll be thankful you can provide one for a shipmate in need.
Speaking of toiletries, don’t waste your precious space with face wash. A-gang keeps a large supply of charcoal that can be mixed with DI water to make an excellent pore-clearing face mask. It’s the easiest way to stay breakout free and feel refreshed after spending more than five minutes in ERLL.
Some women ask about period products, but unfortunately having a period underway is not authorized (NR has not shown reactor protection for it)- try and hold it in if you can. If you cannot hold it in and the boat is not in a position to send you off-hull via the LET, Doc will issue you a hazmat suit. It’s great because it lets everyone know how you’re doing without all the awkward conversation. While you are still expected to follow the POD, the hazmat suit comes with added perks like minimal eye contact and wide berths in the p-way.
Other fun things for the girls (and everyone else, should you choose to share):
Emergency chocolate - affectionately referred to as “emer-choco” - need I say more? You’ll know when the timing feels right.
All of the Albanese gummies you can find. If you think you have too many, buy three more bags.
Scented hand soap - for a small dose of bathroom normalcy among the stainless steel.
Aerosols are not allowed but Trader Joe’s does a fantastic powdered dry shampoo as an alternative.
Colorful hair scrunchies - I love a claw clip, but they get in the way of EAB straps.
Speaking of EABs: face wipes. Lots of them. You’ll be glad you have one after spending >20 minutes breathing from a less-than-sanitary EAB.
Before my first underway I remember packing some items and thinking, “Is this too girly?” or “Is this unprofessional?” or “Will I get categorized a certain way if I use this?” Instead, I started asking questions like: “Will this item spark joy in an industrial environment?” and “Does it distract me from studying or doing my job?” and “Does it hinder or prevent me from taking action in an emergency situation?” Are you considering an inch-long coffin-shaped manicure the day before underway? Maybe save that one for after your cruise - those EAB manifolds can be temperamental.
But - sparkly purple pen that makes you smile during ENG Dept training? Bring it. Pink Hokas? Pack ‘em. Bright yellow water bottle? Every time. Trust your judgment and have some fun out there.
Hope you find this helpful!
XOXO but also V/r,
Big Sister at SUBPAR
PS: If you’re worried that Doc will not have a hazmat suit in your size, it’s ok to bring normal period products. Just separate the plastic as usual and for the love of god do not flush something and make it A-gang’s problem.
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