Let's Make a Submarine Crest Tier List (Ohio Class)

Part one of a multi part series on submarine crests

Like many of the customs of the United States Navy, the practice of designing individualized crests for naval ships came from the British.  The first exposure most sailors have with their boat’s crest is when they hurriedly google “USS ______” in the parking lot of prototype when they finally get their soft orders (if they aren’t confronted with a Navy Times article about their future CO being fired and terrible ship’s morale).  The Crest plays a prominent role in the boat’s decor, the boat’s swag, the boat’s post-deployment brief – all of the most important facets of real submarining.

Like the boats they represent, not all crests are created equal.  A good crest should be 1. Unique, 2. Bring a unique aspect of the boat’s namesake into the design, and 3. Not too busy.  Let’s begin with the Ohio Class.

USS Ohio SSGN 726 - B Tier

The undisputed best of the Ohio Class submarine crests.  Bonus points for incorporating the only state flag shape that is “Triangular Swallowtail” shaped.

USS Michigan SSGN 727- C Tier

Not much bad to say about the Michigan’s crest, but also not much good to say about it either.  Much like the EA’s audit and surveillance program.

USS Florida SSGN 728 - C Tier

Pretty nifty that they were able to incorporate ‘America’s Armpit’ into the logo by placing the state outline underneath a stereotypical Florida man’s detached arm. Unfortunately for the sailor who ripped their poopy suit bicep curling a Tomahawk, the LSs ran out of extra pairs, and good luck getting one sent out to your crew on deployment.

USS Georgia SSGN 729 - D Tier

I will forever be bothered that they’re trying to use the tomahawk as the “i” in Georgia. Also the fish look like they’re from some sort of mechanized beasts in a military themed anime.

USS Henry M. Jackson SSBN 730 - C Tier

Sure would be awkward if they ever homeport-shifted her to King’s Bay, however Senator Jackson was from Washington. The best thing about the logo is a badass eagle surfing a trident. America.

USS Alabama SSBN 731 - C Tier

The best thing going for it is the use of the Alabama state flag, an S-Tier on its own, over the outline of the state.  Like any good SSBN crest, it incorporates the Trident into the design, but overall nothing too special.

USS Alaska SSBN 732 - C Tier

Again, nothing too special about this design, hence the C-Tier ranking.  However, the incorporation of the Alaskan maritime life, the Big Dipper and North Star into the crest with the unique red outline almost makes this a B-Tier crest.

USS Nevada SSBN 732 - B Tier

Using the state’s shape as the shape of the crest is a pretty neat concept.  Hope a class of ship doesn’t overuse that concept in the future.

USS Tennessee SSBN 734 - B Tier

I’m not sure what is more unbelievable, the Tennessee being able to fit through a torpedo tube, or the Tennessee being “America at its best”.  Still a cool crest.

USS Pennsylvania SSBN 735 - D tier

D-tier, because ENG hasn’t reviewed the Material History entry for the Liberty Bell’s crack, the CSMP entry for the Liberty Bell hasn’t been updated since 1846 with no shipyard action taken, and there is no CO’s TSO for “Operation with the Liberty Bell in a degraded condition”.  No comment on the firing point procedures for dual-shooting a Trident and an ADCAP, but I’m sure that XO was upset about not following the correct litany.

USS West Virginia SSBN 736 - D Tier

The Silent Mountainer is standing POOD without a firearm because he lapsed his M9 proficiency shoot.

USS Kentucky SSBN 737 - D Tier

They ran out of time designing this crest and couldn’t find an image of a rifle without a white background.  JO’s on 3 hours of sleep putting together a Post-Deployment brief have shown better graphic design skills

USS Maryland SSBN 738 - F Tier

Sure, traditional naval heraldry has centuries of tradition.  It is also boring, and something (like showing inherent respect for Khakis or looking up a passing warship’s CO’s lineal number to properly pass honors) is best left for skimmers.

USS Nebraska SSBN 739 - F Tier

To be fair, is there anything interesting about the state of Nebraska that you could actually incorporate into a crest? Art imitates life. 

USS Rhode Island SSBN 740 - F Tier

NSTR. See both USS Maryland and USS Nebraska.

USS Maine SSBN 741 - C Tier

Remember the Maine, but you probably won’t remember this crest.  

USS Wyoming - F Tier

You might say “But wait, that isn’t the USS Wyoming’s actual crest” and you might be right.  But this was the first one that came up after searching “SSBN 742 USS Wyoming Crest” so blame Google Gemeni for being woke if you disagree.

USS Louisiana SSBN 743 - D Tier

What the hell is up with that crawdad and those baby pelicans thrown in like an afterthought?

Disagree with our rankings? Leave a comment and let us know your thoughts.

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