Dear Subpar Group - Boat Coffee

It's the little things

Dear SPG, 

I have been off the boat now for a few weeks on shore tour at NPTU Charleston. I love it here, as the shift work and inspections remind me of the boat. However, there is one key part of the boat experience that I can't seem to recreate, even at prototype: how do you make boat coffee? I have tried lots of things, but I can't seem to get the experience and taste just right. 

P.S. Huge fan of your work here at NPTU. It’s the first thing us satisfied Shift ENGs discuss in the morning.

Thanks, 

Satisfied Shift Eng

Dear Satisfied Shift Eng, 

You're right! Boat coffee is a hard taste to replicate. But it is not just about the taste - it’s about the experience of waking up first thing before watch and pouring a nice lukewarm cup of old coffee. We talked to the staff CSs here at SUBPAR and have the following advice for you. 

You will need: 

-Water

-Tinfoil

-Any coffee maker (with filters)

-Coffee Grinder

-1 Bag of Starbucks Brand Roasted Beans (the kind that your boat used)

-1 Bag of Orville Redenbacher Microwave Popcorn (no butter)

-Strainer

Start by taking one to two sheets of the tin foil and letting them soak in the water overnight - this will give the coffee a nice metallic taste like it just came out of a potable water tank. While the water is soaking, take a few cups of the Starbucks beans and grind them to 0.75 mm thickness. This is the best size of the sort for the commercial coffee makers used on the modern submarine as it creates the greatest amount of surface area for flavor exchange while being large enough to get caught by the filter. 

Take the finely ground coffee and place it in a filter and place the filter in the coffee maker. Smell the finely ground coffee and take in the intense flavor. 

Now, and this step is the most critical, after you are satisfied with the smell, remove the filter from the coffee maker and dump the ground coffee in the trash. 

Next, take the bag of popcorn and place it in the microwave on the highest power for 45 minutes or until smoke emits from the microwave (whichever comes first). Place the burnt popcorn into the same filter as before and place in the coffee maker.

Brew using the metallic water and enjoy.

V/r, 

SPG

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