Submarine Pranks
Submarine pranks are a vital part of the submarine experience. We thought it would be fun to post some memorable submarine pranks. Think you have an appropriate and unclassified prank that you would like to share? Email us at thesubpargroup@gmail.com
During May of 2019 the USS [REDACTED] was on deployment. We had recently pulled into Guam to repair the [REDACTED], replace the [REDACTED], and discuss the [REDACTED]. While we were in port, a new officer reported. Let’s call this officer ENS Green. We didn’t really know much about ENS Green at the time, but we did know that he was a new ensign showing up to a deployed boat, so a few pranks were in order. The most memorable of which required the entire wardroom’s buy-in.
When ENS Green showed up on the pier the day of the underway, AWEPS (since obviously he wasn’t on the maneuvering watch) gave him a tour of the important spaces on the boat. He showed him his rack, the wardroom, Doc’s space, the engine room, control, and the JO head. When AWEPS got to the JO head he made sure to point out the newly created Rig for Dive PIP posted behind the toilet for two plumbing valves.
AWEPS explained to ENS Green the purpose of Rig for Dive and the procedure for operating Rig for Dive valves. Finally, AWEPS told ENS Green that these two plumbing valves were listed on the CO’s Exceptions List and could be operated regularly by a Rig for Dive qualified officer without permission from the OOD. Since ENS Green had yet to qualify Rig for Dive (it was his first day after all), he would need another officer to watch him properly flush the head and return the valves to their normal position.
“Don’t use the head without finding a second checker first,” AWEPS told ENS Green. “It would be a real shame if you had to wait by your shit until someone could watch you operate the valves.”
After about three days of rotating members of the wardroom verifying that ENS Green properly checked shut (in the shut direction) two plumbing valves, he finally figured out that he did not actually need to get permission to poop while underway.
Our XO made us take down the fake PIP before ORSE so we couldn’t pull the prank on the next ENS to show up, but the prank provided the wardroom a much needed laugh and helped ENS Green learn the importance of Rig for Dive. ENS Green went on to be the Ship’s Diving Officer - poetic justice.
Looking back, this prank isn’t that funny. All it really did was waste a qualified officer’s time because they had to watch ENS Green flush. However, halfway through a deployment, it was exactly what we needed. The real pranks are the friends you make along the way.
Please don’t write in about the time you stole the XOs door and put it in ERLL. No one cares.