SUB LT Returns from Aviation NTSD - AGAIN

Like submarines but different

I went to a work event with hundreds of pilots today. I was the only one wearing fish (but a retired COB did say hello to me). Some of the pilots were drinking beer at 0945.

I am compelled to re-share this post.

BT

Point Loma, San Diego - LT James Goodall returned to Naval Base Point Loma today after completing a 2-year long Non-Traditional Shore Tour (NTSD) where he was assigned to live and work with the low land plains pilots, a subspecies of the greater H. Avionics species.

Goodall was assigned to the VFA - 696969 “The Muffdivers” one of the last uncontacted group of pilots whose way of life has remained largely unchanged since the foundation of the aviation community in the early 20th century.

“I learned a lot from my time with the pilots,” said Goodall. “These are sophisticated, gentle creatures, not the barbaric, procedurally-noncompliant apes movies would lead you to believe.”

Goodall’s findings, submitted to PERS 42 for review, allude to an amazing, yet primitive world, untouched by the modern nuclear navy.

The pilots formed complex social groups. Each band consists of 6-8 younger males headed by an older larger male, known as a “hinge.” These bands are known amongst pilots as “squadrons.” These squadrons appear to be fiercely territorial and competitions for scarce bar resources can become violent, although prolonged conflict between warring bands is rare.

Older pilots also possess the ability to make and use simple tools - something previously theorized by PERS 42 based on skeletal analysis of brain cavities but not yet observed in the wild. Goodall recounts several instances in which pilots were able to fashion crude levers to open a can of Pabst Blue Ribbon with a missing pull tab.

The pilot language has a very rich morphological system, in which a succession of different morphemes are added to root words. “Although not as complex as SUB IC, the endemic language displays a remarkable level of sophistication,” said Goodall. “For example, pilots have over 100 words for ‘bro.’”

Goodall cites ‘brø’ as an exclamatory term used to describe a pilot who has finished exactly half of a lukewarm Keystone Light, whereas ‘brô’ is a term of endearment used when a pilot has finished that same beer. Words surrounding beer are central to their culture as social bonds and rank are determined largely by alcohol.

Though at times complex, the language is limited by its lack of unique identifiers, as most adult aged males draw their names from a pool of simple monosyllabic words such as Brad, Chad, Trent, or Zane.

PERS 42 assesses that the language and culture is well-adapted to carry out daily pilot tasks like foraging for beer, picking up SDSU communications majors, and executing pitching-deck nighttime carrier landings, but it lacks the depth and sophistication needed to accomplish more complex tasks, such as adjusting Tave and smashing trash.

Though Goodall’s findings have not completed peer-review by the larger nuclear community, they conclude on a somber note:

“Populations of pilots are decreasing in the wild, largely due to habitat loss as the bars they frequent are increasingly occupied by SWOs and nukes. While their way of life is simple and outpaced by the modern nuclear navy, these quiet creatures are our forebears, a link in the evolutionary chain towards nuclear power. We must advocate for them.”

With habitat loss accelerating, prompt action is needed to preserve this unique and fascinating species. If nothing is done, wild pilots may become a relic of a bygone time, seen only in aviation museums and Tom Cruise movies.