Not So SUBPAR #1 - The Day I Almost Got My ENG Fired

This ENG is Not So SUBPAR

It started in [REDACTED] Naval Shipyard when my boat, the USS SCOTTSDALE, got put into Dry Dock [REDACTED]. We moved everything to a nasty barge that must have been old back during the Vietnam War. I was randomly sitting in my ENG’s barge “stateroom” one night on duty and opened up a random drawer full of keys. I didn’t give a damn about the keys, but what fascinated me was the really cool USS SCOTTSDALE keychain that was at the end of one set of three keys. I took the keys and put them in my locker on a different floor of the barge. This was not meant to be malicious. It was literally an unlocked drawer full of keys. No one would put anything important in an unlocked drawer full of keys.  

A month went by and I forgot all about the keys. One day I was the off-going Engineering Duty Officer. This was peak shipyard work controls. The Engineering Duty Officer and Duty Officer both had to sleep on the boat still even though there was work going on 24/7. Something about the CO’s concern for fire safety. All it meant was that we finished duty even more exhausted than normal. It also meant that from 0500 to 0800 when I was relieved, I was one of the meanest people in the entire shipyard.  

That morning, the ENG was preparing to do a reduction gear inspection at 0800. There was a whole lot of fanfare, but I was still sitting in Maneuvering waiting to be relieved so that I could go spend hours upon hours in DMD training. The Roving Watch walked into Maneuvering and told me that the ENG was freaking out that he could not find his reduction gear keys. There was a sinking feeling in my stomach. I asked the mechanics what exactly the keys looked like. Apparently it was a set of three keys attached to a USS SCOTTSDALE keychain… 

I immediately started bullying my relief to relieve me ASAP so that I could rush back to the barge. Upon getting up to my locker, I opened up a drawer and saw the three keys with the USS SCOTTSDALE keychain. My next concern was how to tell the ENG. I could just put it back in his drawer of keys and he would eventually find it. Sadly, all of that integrity training we got in NNPTC and NPTU convinced me to go own up to it. 

I went down to the boat and asked the ENG “have you ever read the Caine Mutiny?”  

He said “yes, why?” 

I told him “there is a part in the book about strawberry ice cream and stolen keys. You are going to get a kick out of this later.” I then handed him his keys.  

He looked at me and the keys for a minute… absolutely speechless.  

Eventually he asked very calmly “why would you do this? I thought I was going to be fired.” 

I explained that I thought the keychain looked cool. At that point I knew that was my cue to leave the boat and head back to the barge.  

Hours later we talked about it. He was mad, but still very calm. My punishment was having to join him for his next monthly reduction gears inspection. Honestly, that was a cool experience. He ended up getting over it too. 

The day I left the boat, we had a very nice goodbye.  

We still see each other with some frequency. And some time soon, he is going to be the CO of a boat. 

I am glad I didn’t get him fired.