NAVY to Deploy John Cusackian Recruiting Program
Baby come back!
Millington, TN (SPG) - PERS unveiled an innovative retention initiative today, aimed at retaining soon-to-be-separating service members. In this unique approach, specially trained recruiters will visit the homes of submariners with approved separation orders, patiently wait until the break of dawn, and then serenade them with Peter Gabriel's "In Your Eyes" while holding a boombox aloft.
This novel incentive comes in response to the challenging recruiting and retention landscape faced by the US Military.
"We cannot afford to lose the expertise and dedication of our service men and women in this evolving environment," stated LT Rebecca Morales, a navy detailer, during an early press release. "Starting today Navy recruiters, each driving a late 1970s Blue Chevy Malibu, will quietly stage themselves near the residences of soon-to-be-separating service members throughout the country. At dawn’s first light, just as the crickets are quieting down, they will play Peter Gabriel's 'In Your Eyes' on their boomboxes, held high above their heads."
The move is specifically geared at retaining members against the wishes of their parents.
To facilitate this initiative, the navy has mobilized approximately 400 reservists. Recent procurement records also reveal that Lockheed Martin has been awarded a contract to produce 400 Panasonic RX-C33 Portable Stereo Boomboxes at a cost of $500,000 per unit.
PERS is actively exploring additional recruitment incentives, such as dramatically following service members to the airport, quietly throwing rocks against their window while their parents are asleep, and surprising them with birthday cakes when others have forgotten their special day.