Mako Chats From Last Night
COMMOs chatroom mailbag
The following are real conversations between a SUBPAR representative and underway JOs.
CSL-CSP_JOs de SPG_COMMO, mysta up steady adns, standing by for any questions that you have…k/BBM
SPG_COMMO de MWK_Diving_Officer, I recently got a blind turnover as diving officer and I have no idea how to do a dive compensation. I’m looking at this Microsoft Excel (2007) document and I don’t know what any of this shit means and I’m fucking scared. We’re two hours from the dive point and COB is all over me. What do I do?…k/MNB
MWK_Diving_Officer de SPG_COMMO, that’s okay. Not every JO knows how to do everything. Doing Dive Comps isn’t the only thing. I see two valid options for you 1: see if you can get up to the bridge and try to make a phone call to the guy you relieved. Hopefully they are not too drunk in Amsterdam on their transfer leave Eurotour and they can give you some pointers. 2: make some shit up and see if the COB corrects you. Worst case scenario, you get yelled at and you go to a critique. I’m sure you’ve been yelled at and gone to a critique before…k/BBM
SPG_COMMO de CSL_SWO, I think I’m going to sign a contract. In the fall of 2021, I aced my PNEO IPO interview. The one problem though: the engineer who administered my interview was none other than Mr. Jonathan Toebbe, infamous for his attempts to sell nuclear secrets to a foreign nation. Is my passing grade for PNEO tainted?…k/ANS
CSL_SWO de SPG_COMMO, I think you’re overthinking things. Like any good JO who has encountered a potentially damning administrative discrepancy, you should just not bring it up and see what happens. Just stay away from peanut butter sandwiches in your future…k/BBM
SPG_COMMO de KAN_RCA, my maneuvering watchstanders haven’t talked to me in two weeks. I got a mid watch break for an Audit and Surveillance review with the CO, and got absolutely ripped apart. Apparently I’m supposed to be assigning audits and ‘have a single fucking shred of ownership over my program’. Nobody told me any of this in the pipeline! Regardless, after relieving the watch back aft I snapped at my EO and told him to “shut the fuck up about anime for one fucking watch please!” Now nobody will talk to me. They won’t even entertain the idea of playing the movie game. What do I do to win back my team?…k/TMO
KAN_RCA de SPG_COMMO, that’s tough. I hate to say it, but I think the only way forward is a two pronged approach of bribery and giving in to the anime wave. I would recommend breaking into your Monster supply that you have stashed away for your Ship’s Systems end of cards and giving them to maneuvering at the start of next watch. Additionally, you’ll have to sacrifice some of your sleep time and watch a couple of episodes of anime. Tell your EO that it’s actually a really good show and that you’re thankful that he recommended it. Tell him that you actually don’t mind him talking about it for eight hours straight, and want to know more about the crucial world building that was included in the Manga. If he asks to practice speaking the Japanese that he’s been learning on his bootlegged Rosetta Stone that he torrented, let him. It’s a tough road to redemption that you must follow, but there’s a reason that the Submarine Warfare device has the reputation that it does…k/BBM
SPG_COMMO de STL_ISSM, we just found out that POTUS is going to be getting a tour of our boat, to include the engineroom, led by NAVSEA_08 actual. How do I make sure I get him to sign an NNPI form before he heads aft of the watertight door?…k/JTL
STL_ISSM de SPG_COMMO, that’s an interesting conundrum you find yourself in. I think persistence and defense in depth is your strategy here. I would follow him around the boat, pen and NNPI form in hand. Have your NAV try to look him up his security clearance before he gets there to make it easier for you (I would wager his Social Security number has 5 or fewer numbers, maybe ask one of your ITs to write a code to brute force it into DISS). Convince the duty CS to break out some hard pack (chocolate, chocolate chip) and be at the ready in crews mess to trade a cone for a signature. Lastly, I would utilize the aft duty section NUBs to stand guard at the watertight door and not let him pass without your explicit permission…k/BBM
SPG_COMMO de WLM_Ship’s_Gentleman, TM3 just asked me if I was free to do the monthly ammo inventory when he gets off watch in thirty minutes. I’m not qualified to stand any watch (nor do I intend to qualify, I leave from my ride in two weeks lol), but I really don’t want to do this inventory. I only have 14 hours of scheduled sleep I’m supposed to be getting…k/XOP
WLM_Ship’s_Gentleman, de SPG_COMMO, we’ve all been there. Do the damn inventory. He doesn’t want to do it either However, for the sake of argument, tell him you have a huge nuke exam that starts in the next hour and you don’t have the time. Be careful, you might need to get the EDTA to play along and break out some yellow and green paper for you to stare attentively at in crews mess for three hours…k/BBM
SPG_COMMO de SLC_CHOP, I have a feeling that all of the nukes are blazing their inventories and nobody seems to care about them despite SMI coming up in three weeks. That’s basically Supply’s ORSE! What do I do?…k/NCB
SLC_CHOP de SPG_COMMO, a couple of things:
1) How did you get in this chat room? you’re a “DH”
2) Nobody cares about SMI.
3) What are you, a cop?
4) Fuck you CHOP
…k/BBM
CSL-CSP_JOs de SPG_COMMO, alright folks that’s all I have time for. My RMOW needs to save some bandwidth so he can look up how to get the master sword in Legend of Zelda Tears of the Kingdom before we go sinker.