First class petty officer too thin to be promoted

Navy Chief! Navy Pride!

NORFOLK, VA – Chief Season is a cause for celebration for many. Throughout the fleet Chief Selects are trained, tested, and molded during an arduous eight-week process before joining the Chief’s Mess.

Unfortunately for one E-6, at least another year will pass prior to his indoctrination. The selection board passed on Torpedoman First Class George Millinghouse for the sixth straight year.

Despite his superior performance as a mechanic, his willingness to take on collateral duties, and multiple #1 First Class Petty Officer EVALS he just can’t seem to break through into the Chief’s Mess.

“It’s simple really. TM1 fails to represent many of the Navy Chief’s Core Values. Most notably his 32-inch waist tells me he isn’t ready for the additional responsibilities of being a chief,” said Chief of the Boat MMACS Harvey.

Millinghouse’s Leading Chief Petty Officer echoed COB’s reservations, “When Millinghouse first showed up to the boat he had a 29-inch waist. While growing three inches in one tour is something to be proud of, it is not quite the level of dedication that we’re looking for in our future chiefs.”

“I don’t know what else the Chief’s want from me. I smoke two packs a day. I drink to excess. I never exercise. But I just cannot seem to gain weight fast enough. A 38-inch waist just seems out of reach for now,” said a dejected TM1 Millinghouse.

“A 38-inch waist is no easy task, but neither is being a Chief Petty Officer. I remember back to when I was a young sailor. I’d never respect a thin Chief. This gut signifies you are ready to lead from the deckplates,” MMACS proudly stated while boasting a 48-inch waist – one additional inch for each year he’s been in the navy.

TM1 shipmates have rumored that he has considered divorcing his second wife to increase his chances for the following selection season - THE SUBPAR GROUP is unable to confirm this information at this time.